400 IMasochism

February 24, 2015 § Leave a comment

IMG_20141113_113142 (2)

Yesterday was a little bit of a struggle day, mentally and physically.  I felt crappy.  I decided the best way to deal with it was to pile on a little more pain.  So I went to the pool and did a 400 IM.  Legally.  LONG COURSE.

I haven’t done that in over a decade (because why in god’s name would you).  It wasn’t pretty, but I didn’t cheat.  It was legal, two handed touches and all.  Sometimes a little personal victory is all you need to lift you up.

Hurts so good.

Perhaps you can roll by yourself

February 14, 2015 § Leave a comment


Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.

~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Happy Valentines day.

pulled from the wonderful maria popova‘s piece on shel silverstein’s the missing piece meets the big o

Got Some Yoga in my Pocket

February 13, 2015 § 1 Comment


I’ve now had my Pocket Yoga app for a month.  Initially I tried to do it every morning, but work got so busy that even waking up at 5 didn’t give me enough time.  So morning yoga has only been happening occasionally.

That being said, a few learnings from the mornings that I have been able to squeeze in a little down dog:

  1. You can still injure yourself.  I used to think my injuries were the result of me not wanting to look stupid in front of the teacher and/or classmates.  Not so!  They can happen anywhere.  So be careful.
  2. You can still sweat. I was skeptical, but it’s true.  Just don’t cheat.
  3. Stretching in the morning feels incredible.  I can’t emphasize this enough.  It seems obvious, but somehow after years of doing serious cardio workouts before dawn and “stretching” before we started, I never fully grasped the ecstasy of it.  Now, if I can’t do a 30 minute session in the morning, I do 3 minutes of sun salutations.  It makes everything creak and groan and afterwards, feel amazing. Hasn’t replaced my coffee, but it’s a really wonderful way to wake up.  Seriously.  Try it.
  4. You look stupid doing it.  Duh.  I always look stupid doing yoga.  But that’s the joy of doing it AT HOME.  I did accidentally set up my yoga mat next to a mirror one time, maybe don’t do that.  (Even though I think the official stance by yoga pros is you are supposed to be near a mirror so you can work on your technique.  Or, in my case, “technique”.)
  5. It’s way better than I thought.  I’ve actually gotten much more out of this than I expected. If I find myself struggling to concentrate during the day, I’ll take 10 minutes with the app.  If you’re wavering on it, give it a try.  It’ll only cost you $3…and your dignity, should your friend walk in on you.  But it’s worth it.

photo: me perfecting my arrow in a grassy field.
did you even believe that for a second?  via

Text of the Day

February 10, 2015 § Leave a comment


There’s a guy asleep in a shopping cart in your driveway.  Do you know him?

-sent to a friend, from her neighbor

photo via

Morning DooDoo

February 9, 2015 § 2 Comments


Paul was home this weekend.  And life got like 4 bijillion times better.

I know correlation doesn’t always imply causality, but this weekend I became sane and HH slept through the night.  So that was miraculous and glorious.  It was also the first lazy weekend morning I’ve had in forever…even though we were up riding our trikes at 7am.

Paul also downloaded a free doodling iPad app for HH called DooDoo Lite, and spent the whole weekend talking to HH about making doodoos. But I actually got to spend some time BY MYSELF and finished Season 5 of the Good Wife, so he could have been teaching her how to juggle knives, I didn’t care.

Now it’s Monday, back at the grind.  But I feel rejuvenated and ready to tackle whatever comes at me.  Even this.


I wasn’t totally wrong.  Sometimes you do just have to hang in there a little longer.

On Sleep

February 5, 2015 § 4 Comments


Last week a friend with a 4 month old made her status on FB: “So when do I get to sleep again?”  It took everything in my power not to comment: “Never.”

I remember being at work in Kentucky one day, in a fog, when HH was like 3 months old, and reading a blog post by Brad Feld titled: “Are You Getting Enough Sleep?”  Before reading the article, before even thinking, I yelled “NO!” at the computer and started to cry.

Lack of sleep is the worst.  I don’t handle it well.

HH is going through a phase (but let’s be serious, when are they not “going through a phase”) where she is not sleeping.  And yes, we have done cry it out (it works sometimes), but even if she puts herself back to sleep she’s up again within two or three hours.  By 4am she’s usually up yelling, inconsolable, and I am so, so tired I bring her into bed with me, so at the very least I can lay down while she throws herself around, inadvertently punching me in the face, and maybe snooze on and off until 5 or 5:30.

Also, Paul is working nights.  He gets home around 8am, sleeps, leaves again at 4pm.  I am more or less flying solo.


So very quickly out the window has gone: meditation, yoga, early morning work, and my ability to focus or handle any kind of stress.

I have started putting her down at nights, cleaning the house, and IMMEDIATELY going to bed to read/fall asleep by 8:30.  And I still feel like my head is full of cobwebs and cry when I can’t get the cereal bowls to stack up in the dish rack to dry (happened yesterday).

Paul, on the other hand, is getting about 5 hours of sleep a day and seems to be handling life just fine.  Because he has superhuman strengths.

Like everything, this is temporary.  Paul won’t be on nights next week, and this phase for HH will eventually, undoubtedly, morph into some other phase.  I know I just have to hang in there a little longer.  Or at least that’s what I tell myself.

On the bright side (literally), the sun is out!  It is 74 degrees!  And the pool is open!  Hellloooooo February in LA.

img_20140218_113739last february

20150122_172336this february.  no filter.

One of the perks of being in a daze like this is workouts, for me, can be mentally much easier.  I just do what I’m told and don’t think too hard about it (or anything else).  I don’t have to get in the zone, because I’m already zoned out.  It’s kind of great.

AND, weirdly enough, it doesn’t always have a huge impact on my ability to have a solid, sometimes even stellar, workout (though my 3 mile “run” yesterday might beg to differ.)

And today, because I am so energized and ready to rock after a good swim, Paul is getting up early to watch HH for an hour so I can get a workout in this afternoon.  Because what fun is life if you’re not about to faceplant while your toddler tears around the house unrolling any roll of toilet paper she can find.

IMG_20150205_105824old habits die hard

So for now I’m doing my best to keep the cereal bowl situation in perspective, strategizing on new pillow arrangements that prevent my child from rolling off the bed while simultaneously protecting me from getting pummeled by tiny, flailing fists, and embracing every opportunity to capitalize on on my inability to think.

Until the next phase kicks in.

City of Angels

January 27, 2015 § Leave a comment

IMG_20150127_100007helicopter circling our house

When we lived in San Francisco, occasionally a big vehicle would go by and rattle the front windowpanes of our apartment.  My automatic reaction was always, “EARTHQUAKE!” (though I only actually started to duck and cover once).

When we lived in Kentucky I would hear ice cream trucks and think they were tornado sirens.

Last night, I heard the the thunk thunk thunk of the washing machine and immediately jumped on Culver City 311 because I thought it was a helicopter circling.

We live in a very nice area.  Lots of foot traffic.  Lots of restaurants and bars.  Lots of babies.  You may think the helicopter presumption is paranoia on my part. And it might be.  (Because Paul was gone.  And I am paranoid.)

But in the 6 months since we moved here, we have:


  • Had the closest freeway onramp shut down and the nearest preschool on lockdown because of a shooting (not at the preschool, thank god, just near it).
  • Had a car chase end in a crash in our neighborhood, followed by the SWAT team moving in and shutting down all of the roads in the area because the driver barricaded himself on the roof of an apartment complex across the street, resulting in a 4 hour standoff.

IMG_20150127_100253media helicopters suspended over our hood during the standoff

  • While walking home from a cafe in our neighborhood, witnessed the police break down the front door of a house and charge in, followed by a woman screaming bloody murder.  It was like something from a movie, I didn’t realize that’s actually how it happened.  I looked up and down the street, there were a few other people around, no one seemed to notice or care.
  • Had a group of Trader Joe’s employees chase a guy who had shoplifted some TJs merch through the car dealership down the street.

Spike, I don’t think we’re in Kentucky anymore.


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 100 other followers