Couple walks into Kroger:

“So, apparently we need to get gentle detergent to wash all the baby clothes and sheets and stuff before we have the baby.”


“I guess because the baby’s skin is super sensitive, so detergents can make them get rashes and stuff?  And new clothing is covered in chemicals or something.  Whatever, everywhere says that’s what you’re supposed to do.”

Enters detergent aisle and turns to the right:


“There!  Perfect.  There’s a baby on that one.”

“It’s $11.”

“Yeah, but there’s a baby on it.  And it says ‘#1 Choice of Pediatricians’.”

“Anyone can say that, nobody ever checks those statistics.”

“I think that means at least one pediatrician had to say they prefer it.”

“Yeah, because they paid him to say that.  It’s a total marketing ploy.”

“But there’s specifically baby on the label.  So it has to be gentle and designed for infants.”

“What about Seventh Generation?  Isn’t that what we usually use?  That’s like all natural, and it’s $5.69.  Let’s compare ingredients, I bet you they’re identical.”

Turns bottles around, product formula not listed on either bottle.

“Goddammit, why aren’t they required to list what’s in this stuff?  Isn’t that like an FDA violation or something?  What about this one,  This one has a baby, and it’s only $6.”

“That’s a child, not a baby.”

“So, what, are there no other brands with pictures of babies or words that say ‘hypoallergenic’ or ‘for infants’ or anything?”

(Scanning the aisle) “I don’t see any…nope.  That’s it.”

“This is such bullcrap.  You know they just stuck a baby on the front so people like you would walk in and pay double the price for exactly the same product. They’re trying to get you to pay an extra $6 for a picture of a baby on a label and you are TOTALLY FALLING FOR IT.”

Couple exits store, $11 poorer.


…and then there were three.

IMG_20130315_214939…or 7, depending on how you count.

Yes, that’s right.  This August, Spike is going to have some competition on his hands when it comes to attention from the mo-in-law.  And he has no idea it’s coming.

P.S. Big thanks goes out to Lisa, who is my savior and mailed me a huge box of maternity pants for work (yeah, fat!) as well as some baby clothes…which Paul promptly put on the dog.