New Exercise Regimen

March 25, 2013 § Leave a comment

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A simple 12-step plan that ANYONE with the right attitude can follow:

Step 1: Since you’ve been a lazy bum the past week, decide to get a good solid swim in before work.  Set alarm for nice and early the next day.

Step 2: When the alarm goes off at 5:30, decide that in order to really benefit from any exercise you’re going to do that day, you need more sleep.  Decide you’ll swim after work.  Re-set alarm.

Step 3: While at work, realize there is a March Madness basketball game in the arena next to your office at 6pm.  Traffic!  Make strictly objective call that getting stuck in traffic is really not worth the swim, decide to get home stat after work to avoid the worst of it and do a really good hour of TRX to make up for your lack of swimming today.

Step 4:  Arrive home.  Eat crackers.  Eat goldfish.  Eat ice cream.

Step 5: Sit on couch for just a few minutes to “unwind” (read: watch just one or two episodes of Weeds).

Step 6: Realize that it’s almost 7, you’re still in your work clothes, and you haven’t even thought about what you’re making for dinner yet.

Step 7: Frantically dig through dirty laundry for 10 minutes because you have no clean sports bras.

Step 8: Do 20 min of half-assed TRX, because now it’s like 7:30 and you’re starting to stress about how late it is.  Barely break a sweat.

Step 9: Change into your PJs with no shower, because people who don’t sweat don’t deserve to shower.  Ignore the fact you just spent 30 minutes wearing dirty workout clothes.

Step 10: Eat canned soup for dinner because now it’s 9pm and you have to go to bed early because you…

Step 11: Plan on swimming the next morning before work, since you’ve been a lazy bum all week.  Set alarm nice and early.

Step 12: Repeat.

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