Held Hostage


I cannot believe I used to stress on the nights that I got less than 7 hours of sleep.  So stupid.

A play-by-play of last night:

  • 10pm: successful final feeding of the day,  we turn the lights down, white noise machine on, rock her to sleep, everything is so peaceful and calm…
  • 10:30pm: put her in bassinet.  she is OUT.
  • 11:30pm: fussing starts.  i get up,  stick the pacifier that she has spit out back in her mouth, put the hat that she has wiggled her way out of back on her head, calm her down, then very, very carefully lay back down and pray to god that she is really asleep.  this cycle goes on for 90 minutes.
  • 1am:  real crying starts.  get up, diaper change, go out to living room and feed her.
  • 2:30am:  try to put her down.  crying starts the second she touches the bassinet.  we’re so tired that paul gives up and puts her on his chest. she IMMEDIATELY falls asleep. we lay there half asleep for about an hour.
  • 3:30am:  veeeery carefully pick her up off paul’s chest and put her back in the bassinet.  immediate fussing.  plug with pacifier.  hat fix.  repeat.
  • 4am: crying.  again.  pick her up, realize her back is all wet.  not sure if it’s sweat or pee.  go to change her and find her diaper like down by her knees (probably because she’s been squirming like a maniac in the bassinet).  so I yell at paul.  obviously.
  • 4:15am: apologize to paul.  head back out to the living room to feed her again.  she eats a full meal plus all of the supplemental pumped milk we have in the fridge.
  • 4:45am: paul rocks the (super full) baby, I pump to replenish supply in fridge.
  • 5:45am: marsha arrives to save the day!  (this is not part of our normal schedule. just last night.)  she takes the baby. paul and i head to to sleep.
  • 7am: Alarm goes off.  Time for work!

I don’t know if this is sustainable.

2 thoughts on “Held Hostage

  1. Oh my I know your pain!!! I know it’s not advised to sleep with your baby but I still did it with Ella and it allowed us to get more sleep. There are safe ways to do it like, kick your husband out and take over whole bed and set up barrier or put bed on floor against a wall! 🙂 you gotta do what you gotta do… Hang in there. Love.

    Sent from my iPhone


    1. i’ve had multiple people tell me that. she just suddenly decided that she won’t sleep unless someone is holding her. you hit a point and just don’t know what else to do.

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